Enjoying My Day

Here is an actual conversation that took place in my mind this morning as I was running along the rail trail:

Ooh, look!  Pretty flowers!  I wish I had my camera.

Oh, I do have a camera on my cell phone.

I can't stop, though, I've got to run.  The 5K is coming up and I've got to train.

But they probably won't be so pretty next time I come.

The cell phone doesn't take great pictures, and I've got so much to do to get ready for Holy Week.  I've got to get my run in and get home.

Oh for heaven's sake.  I can take a minute to stop and take a picture.  Who am I?  Joan Benoit?  I can stop for a minute.

So, to make a long story short, after much arguing with myself I did stop, and took several pictures of the beautiful wildflowers coming up through the dry leaves, the sun shining on them just right.  And unfortunately, it is true, my cell phone does not take pictures as well as my camera, so the photo above does no justice to the beautiful sight.  But as I was taking pictures and enjoying the flowers, I was also enjoying the sound of the river below, rushing and tumbling over the rocks because of recent rains.  I was enjoying the feel of the soft breeze and the spring sunshine on my face.  I enjoy my walks and runs on the trail, but after taking a minute to slow down enough to really enjoy my surroundings, when I resumed my run I enjoyed it all the more.  I wondered why I'd been so reluctant to stop and enjoy the flowers.

There is a helpful pamphlet called "Just for Today" that suggests that today I save myself from two pests: hurry and indecision.  Indecision has never been much of an issue for me.  But hurry - well - this morning was a good example of how that pest can sometimes nag at me and rob me of the enjoyment I could choose in my day.  At the moment I consciously recognized that I had allowed that pesky pest hurry to get a toehold in me this morning, and realized that I had managed to save myself from it by stopping to enjoy the flowers, I looked up the hill and noticed this:

It was a face someone had nailed on a dead tree halfway up the hill to the side of the trail.  If I'd still been in such a hurry with my running I never would have noticed it.  In that smiling tree I saw evidence that someone had recently done something for no reason other than just having some fun.  Here was evidence that someone had chosen to enjoy their day, just like I had.

By the time I was almost back to my car, I felt as if I'd been on a mini vacation - all before 7:30 am.  I really, really enjoyed my run.  And as if to cap off the lesson I was given in the woods, I ran by a trout fisherman heading toward the river with his pole.  Now that I was in such a light and happy mood, I said to him, "I hope you catch a fish!"

He answered, "It's such a beautiful day, it doesn't matter if I catch one or not!  Enjoy your day!"

Seeing Myself as Others See Me

So, just recently we started videotaping our sermons and posting them on the website.  This is a good thing, but I've got to adjust to having myself projected on the small screen.  I remember, as a kid, hearing my tape recorded voice for the first time and being amazed at how different my voice sounded from the way I heard it inside my own head.  "Is that really how I sound?" I asked incredulously.  Sure - of course - was the answer.  Wow, I didn't soud at all like I think I sounded.

This discomfort has now all been taken up a notch for me with these videos.  Do I really look like that?  That is not how I picture myself in my own head.  Do I really blink that much?  Is my voice really that sharp?  Are my nose and teeth really that big?  And for that matter, is my neck really that scrawny? 

Some people look in the mirror and see nothing but flaws and imperfections - even magnifying them and imagining them larger and more pronounced than they really are. 

Some people look in the mirror and overlook their flaws - moving into a place of denial about what they could improve. 

What I would like to do is to look at the mirror (or at the videos) and embrace what I see with love, not magnifying my flaws or ignoring my shortcomings.  Despite my own initial negative reaction, I need to remind myself that everyone who has met me sees me the way I look on the videos.  No one thinks there's anything "wrong" with how I look or sound.  It's just how I look and sound!  Since so far no one has run screaming, so I guess it must not be all that bad.  I am simply an average bear.  Oh bother.  I guess this is just another thing to put in the God box!

O God, by whom the meek are guided in judgment, and light rises up in darkness for the godly: Grant us, in all our doubts and uncertainties, the grace to ask what you would have us do, that the Spirit of wisdom may save us from all false choices, and that in your light we may see light, and in your straight path may not stumble; through Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen.

Babies in Church

Today we had two new babies in church - a 6 week old and a 9 month old.  They both made joyful noise at the most appropriate places.  The younger baby slept for most of the service, but woke up and cried a hungry cry at the pinnacle of the Eucharistic Prayer.  Obviously he'd heard the invitation to partake in spiritual food!  The older baby seemed always to exclaiming "Amen!" at very appropriate places throughout the service.  I loved his enthusiasm - and actually, sometimes I wish that proper adult Episcopalians would be that enthusiastic about the sermon and the prayers.

Babies add a different energy to a group of people, and our congregation was practically giddy with excitement in having babies among us today.  I lost count of how many people said something like, "It's so wonderful to hear babies in church!"

It may be the middle of Lent, but it felt like the nativity on Christmas morning at Grace Church today.

Signposts

After a long, trying winter, today I finally got back into the woods today for a beautiful walk by the river.  I noticed that the mountain bikers had recently repainted the blazes on the trees.  I know the trail well, but there are places where bikes have made alternate paths, so it felt good to have strong, clear blazes to follow.  After all, it had been a while since I'd walked the trail.

And I was thinking about how we always need signposts in life, even when we're travelling down a road we've been down before.  I remember as a child, on the familiar trip to our summer home, I always looked for the same office building along Route 128 with the mirrors along its roof.  When I saw it, I knew we were headed to New Hampshire.  There were other landmarks along the 2 1/2 hour route, each one assuring me that we were getting closer to our destination.  This reminds me how each year during Lent, we hear the same weekly prayers and consider the same readings, and then during Holy Week, we participate in the same rituals each year.  The familiar words and liturgies are like signposts, like blazes, assuring us that we're on track and that we're moving closer to the promise of Easter.

Signposts also remind us that others have travelled this path before us.  The blazes on the trees in the woods tell me that I'm not the only one that cares about and travels on this woodland trail.  It is wonderful that someone took the time to make it possible for me to venture forth into the woods that first time with blazes to lead me.  If no one marked the trail, people who've never been there before would not be able to learn the way.  So, marking the trail is an important responsibility.  If those of us who love the trail don't create trailmarkers, no one but us will be able to enjoy it, and once we're gone, the path will no longer exist.

The same is true for church. Those of us who have a strong connection with church no longer need blazes to find our way here. We don't need signposts to find our way around the building and we don't need instructions in the bulletin about how to follow the liturgy. But if we care about church enough, we'll want it to be for others, not just ourselves. So we need to create clear blazes for those who are less familiar with the way. If we tend to our signposts, just like the mountain bikers tend the blazes in the woods, the path can become a favorite journey for others yet to come.

Today on the trail was one of those times I was strongly reminded that the most important people for the church are the people who haven't found their way there yet.  (Just like it's frequently repeated that the newcomer is the most important person in a 12 step meeting.)  We're not in the business of creating a club for insiders.  We're called to go out into the world and to put bright and clear blazes on the trees everywhere we go.  Or or maybe more accurately, we're called to be living, walking blazes ourselves - so that who we are and what we do can help show the way for people who haven't found the way yet. 

Following the Star

The three kings arrived in our creche at church this morning.  And I am looking forward to using those kings as my mentors in 2011.  Why?  A few reasons:

1. They noticed the world around them and noticed things they wouldn't have expected.

It's easy to just go through life assuming things are the way I think they are.  But if I can be like those wise kings, I will keep my eyes and my mind open to things I'm not expecting.  In their case, it was a star that did not conform to any of their charts or expectations.   I have no idea what surprises I'm in for this year, but I hope I'll welcome them with as much openness and curiosity as the kings had.

2. They were willing to go a long way to find what they were looking for.

Sometimes I can put things on a back burner when they might take a lot of effort or seem incovenient for me.  But if its something that really needs doing, I need to pack up my camel and get going.  When the kings knew something important was happening, they packed up and went across whole continents to reach their goal.

3. They followed.

The kings did not know where that unusual star would lead them.  They only knew that they were being led to something important.  Sometimes I don't move until I know where I'll end up.  This year, I'll try to start my day like those kings - asking for direction and then following.  I want to spend my days with eyes, ears, heart and mind open to follow God's call.

4. They were willing to change direction

Sometimes I can get a goal in mind and force my way forward toward it in the way that seems best to me.  But the kings didn't do that.  They listened, discerned and just followed the star where it led, even though it might not have made sense to their educated brains and even thought they had no idea where they'd end up.  And they were also open to the need to go home by a different way than they'd come.  They were not stubborn about the right way to do things and were willing to change course.

5. They were generous

The kings gave of their gifts and resources lavishly to Christ.  A little baby born to a poor couple in a stable.  God, I just want to at least remember to buy cereal for the food pantry every week.  And I want to be a really good sharer.

At our church we each get a gift from the three kings - a special word or phrase for the year.  My phrase was "being childlike."   I took this to mean having a beginner's mind.  And I wonder if that's the very thing I admire in these three kings so much - a very wise openness to the new and unexpected things God is always doing and a willingness to respond by following along with trust.  I pray I really take this special gift to heart in 2011.